For many men, the way a workplace should function is like a team sport. Often, they see themselves and behave as athletes with all the expectations and obligations of players on a team. While I would never recommend trying to think like a man as a way to get ahead in business… It is useful to understand that many men think of work in sports terms: winning, competing, scoring, losing, team play. You might want to put some of this attitude into your own game plan (pun intended). It might help you respond differently so that your male colleagues don’t think poorly of you or worse, not even see you as a member of the team.
Photo: Friso Gentsch/EPA/Landov
While I would never recommend trying to think like a man as a way to get ahead in business… It is useful to understand that many men think of work in sports terms: winning, competing, scoring, losing, team play. You might want to put some of this attitude into your own game plan (pun intended). It might help you respond differently so that your male colleagues don’t think poorly of you or worse, not even see you as a member of the team
How? Instead of dwelling on a failure, think about the next play as a chance to win. Men generally do. They are eager to get up and try again to show they are tough and ready to win for the team. Women tend to dwell on failure, especial as a shameful thing that will have others judging them poorly. If you do this, men might consider this to be an avoidance of what needs to happen next. If you disappear from the playing field to mourn your failure and fully experience your shame, you aren’t helping the team. You haven’t added any value to the effort. Your male colleagues would rather see you in there trying than licking your wounds in the locker room.
Men are also ready to cheer for each other. The chest bumps and butt slaps of professional sports translate into high fives and ‘way to go’ at the office. Women are less demonstrative, which could be interpreted by male colleagues as being indifferent to the team’s success. Try celebrating a success even if you haven’t played an important part in it. Your colleagues will understand. They aren’t likely to think you are taking credit for someone else’s work, but that you are part of a winning team and happy for it.
Another thing that sets you apart from your confident male colleagues is the very language that you use to describe yourself, your thoughts and your ideas. Women are more likely than men to use a tentative and passive voice. Don’t select words that diminish your authority. Do you find yourself saying these things when making a suggestion? “It’s only my opinion but…” “Quite honestly…” “You know what I mean?…” “This may only be how I feel, but….” “I guess my question is…” It might feel very uncomfortable, even boastful to be direct and assertive, but men will hear you better and respect you more if you are.
Remember that it is likely that your promotion will come from a man. They will need to see your skills in a way that makes sense to them. They will advance someone who adds value to the team, celebrates the team success, is assertive and not passive. Most of all, try not to take a failure personally, but as a chance to get up and try again with a new information and ideas. Confidence is key.
